Da Vinci Code for a Dollar

[Readers: We are in the final editing of a series of analyses regarding the new gas decree. Meanwhile, in honor of Friday afternoon, a treatise on the serious topic of movie going in Bolivia.]

Across the US today millions of people are going to fork over $9.75 for the honor of seeing the first day showing of the wannabe box office blockbuster, The Da Vinci Code. My older kids and I saw it here last night in Cochabamba, $1.90 a piece. If we’d waited for 2-1 night on Monday we’d have seen it for a dollar.

I like to go to the movies in Cochabamba. I like it for lots of reasons that made me not like to go to the movies when I lived in California. There is, of course, that it is cheap. A senior citizen going to a Tuesday matinee who has a relative working at the theater can’t even get into a first run flick for a buck. I mean really, in the US, don’t you ever feel foolish paying, to go to a movie, an amount that television preachers say can feed a family of five in Africa for 10 months? [Okay, perhaps I am exaggerating bit for effect.]

Also, taking my kids to the movies in San Francisco was such an undertaking. If we took the bus we had to leave an hour early to avoid being late. If we drove I had to find somewhere to park that two-ton rose-tope colored Toyota. Here, where we don’t own a car, the bus ride is a predictable 30 min., half that if I am late and grab a cheap cab. And move lines. We don’t have them, not even for The Da Vinci Code. Walk up, buy a ticket, follow the guy with the flashlight, sit down. Pretty simple.

Then there is the matter of food. In the US most theaters boast huge signs warning against bringing in ANY refreshments from the outside. I think some have installed popcorn detectors that you have to walk through now. When we were dating, my wife impressed me with her ability to sneak in beer in her deep coat pockets – a trick I think she learned in her native Buffalo NY.

Not in Cochabamba. There are dozens of women who make their living selling popcorn, fried banana chips, Coke, candy and all manner of things right at the cinema door. You can be munching on any of it even as you hand your ticket to the fellow at the red curtain.

Now, we don’t have a lot of movie theaters here in Cochabamba. Actually, we have three. There is the classic Cine Astor, where I once brought thirty small children from our orphanage many years ago to sit in the balcony and see their first film – a poorly dubbed version of The Lion King. The problem with the Astor is that the camera operator needs new glasses. I have yet to see a movie there in full focus. There is the fancy new cinema at the IC Norte supermarket. With two screens and padded seats it is like a quick trip to a small US cinema. But it isn’t for me. Too sterile. They even have a supposed “no outside refreshments rule” there but I never take them seriously. When I have gone there I always sneak in something.

Nope, for me it is the venerable Cine Avaroa on Calle 25 de Mayo. Biggest screen in the country, it occasionally proclaims. It might be the oldest too. Lots of room, films always in focus, and just a block away from the stands where, at night, you can buy a reasonably good take away pique macho for 80 cents US. The gray haired woman who sells tickets and the bald headed old fellow who takes them at the door have been in those same seats for a decade I think. You have to love a movie theater where you get quizzed about why you haven’t been there in a while. I confess, I have, on occasion, snuck away from work to catch the 3:30 matinee.

Now you need to know, having three movie theaters (four screens total) doesn’t mean we have four movies to pick from. Nope, in Cochabamba, more often than not, all the theaters have the same movie showing. This week and probably next, if you want to see something other than The Da Vinci Code you are probably out of luck – at the cinema at least. You can always walk over to the vast selection of bootleg DVDs over by the post office and take your pick of any for the equivalent of $1.10.

The illegal market is so brisk that movies usually show up here even before they reach the cinemas. The best quality copies are the ones that periodically display the words “For Academy Viewing Only, Not for Resale” on the bottom. I like the bad copies though. My daughter picked up one that was about a talking VW and midway through it, in the slightly blurred foreground, you could see a guy get up from his seat to go to the bathroom or snack bar. This one was videotaped on the sly in the theater.

Truth be told, I am waiting for our youngest, Mariana, to hit the age where she will, as her older siblings before her, think it is really cool to go to the movies with Daddy. I figure I need to wait till she’s five.

Oh yes, as for The Da Vinci Code:

1. Do not fork over $9.75 to see it. If you must go, then go to a multiplex where they don’t carefully guard the theater entrances and make it your free second film after seeing something better.

2. I agree with the NY Times review. What is up with Tom Hanks’ hair?

3. It is lucky that Ron Howard had those code-breaking special effects left over from (the better acted) A Beautiful Mind.

3. I think that the one change from the book that was a good addition was the arrival of Jesus at the end of the movie with a new Sermon from the Mount. “Blessed are those who read books without any significant meaning.” I hear that was Dan Brown's idea.

4. For code breakers, here’s my last word:

Osimsin Eebttt Si I Pheo Lssmiiopeb